I Love New York Episode 5 Recap

I Love New York 2

The Competition:
The guys must bring an item of value to them to the great hall and offer it up to New York. They must then sign an oath in blood. Everyone’s oath is different but they must be honest when signing.

New York has hased the help of her spiritual advisor Lorie to help her decipher who is telling the truth and who isn’t.

The Entertainer He offers New York a scarf made by down syndrome children he volunteers with. He signs an oath that he is not a pervert or a sexual deviant. He later says that he’s never broken up with a woman, EVER! They break up with him. He should have added that he then strangles them, chops them up, and buries them in his backyard.
Mr. Wise He offers New York a painting that his father did of him. New York says that the painting doesn’t look anything like him cus the guy in the painting is actually cute.
Pretty He gives New York a tie he supposedly got from President Clinton while visiting the White House. New York checks it for stains and vows to run it under the black light later.
It

He gives her a wallet from his “Gran-movuh” that she got from Egypt and a ring from his “Fah-vuh” that is supposedly a good luck charm. He’s the only one who refuses to sign the blood oath because he says he can’t be sure if he’ll be with New York forever and doesn’t want to lie.
Wolf His offer is his college championship ring. The oath he signs is a promise that he is indeed well endowed.
Punk He gives her what he says is a gold wrist watch from his dad. He said his dad’s dream was for him to get into Harvard Law and he died a few weekds before he received the acceptance letter. So the watch means a lot to him blah blah blah. New York is touched and lets him keep the watch.
Midget Mac He gives her pictures of his two daughters. Their mother died only four months ago and her and Mac were engaged. New York accepts the pics but is concerned Mac isn’t over his babies’ mom.
Tailor Made He walks up stuttering and nervous. I can see him sweating through his plugs.He brings a picture of his daughter Asia. His oath says that he’s not a snitch. All the guys watch as he signs that lie in his blood. The spiritual advisor says that the spirits aren’t happy because some people are lying and the liars will be punished.

Winner:
Punk
Punk is the winner of a single date with New York the next day.

Sidebar-In all of punk sinterviews he always looks sweaty, his eyes are read and puffy, he's talking really fast in that nasally lisp of his. Five bucks says he's doing speedballs between takes.

Post Competition:
But before they go on the date everyone goes out to dinner. New York confronts It about not signing the oath and he says he got distracted and it slipped his mind. What? How does that make sense? That’s like saying I went to the dentist and refused to open my mouth cus I got distracted and it slipped my mind. See how stupid that sounds?
Anyway, Tailor Made makes a toast to New York and to new beginnings.
New York chooses that moment to whip out a letter that she received in the mail. She hands it to Punk to read. IT becomes apparent that the letter is from Buddha and he spends the whole time using polysyllabic profundity to bash Tailor Made. Wolf says that it’s a good thing she had the man from Harvard read it cus there was a lot of difficult $hit in there. After the letter is read New York goes out side for a smoke and Midget Mac accompanies her. She tries to decipher if he’s over his babies’ mom who passed away and before they go back inside they kiss. I repeat: She kissed a midget. Eek! Wait a minute…he has two kids. That means someone had sex with him…at least twice! Egad! And unfortunately she’s not alive to talk about it. One day you guys are going to be saying, “Man, Lo was right all along…all along”.
Anyway after dinner Tailor Made tries to cozy up to New York who isn’t feeling it. But when the lights flicker and go out in the mansion she jumps into his arms in sheer fright. A series of other creepy things occur like a light bulb shattering and the mantle decorations committing suicide. This causes the crew to scramble and the cast to run for the hills. New York decides to stay at a hotel that night, while the guys tough it out.
Tailor made seems unaffected by the “spiritual malarkey” (his words, not mine) and proceeds to sleep like a baby. The Entertainer, however, is especially freaked out by the evil Tailor Made brought on the house and only after donning It’s army helmet can finally get some sleep.

The Date:
For their single date Newa York and Punk go to dinner. The more they talk the more boring Punk sounds. Seeing that he’s boring her to death he decides to do something spontaneous and kiss her. Unfortunately she just took a drag from her Newport 100 so she’s got a mouth full of smoke and must pause to release it.
But once all is well back to kissing they go. She decides that although he’s a straight laced guy he might be a good lay so she should keep him around for a little longer.

The Fiesta: While Punk and New York are on their date, the boys are having a fiesta. Sister killjoy shows up to crash the party and grill them some more. Although she scolds Tailor Made for spitting she doesn’t really seem to upset about it. He is one of the original Mama’s Boys after all. Then she lays into The Entertainer and when he doesn’t back down she pitches a drink at him as he walks away.

Who’s in:
Punk Tailor Made Mr. Wise Pretty Wolf

The Entertainer

Who’s out:

Midget Mac: New York doesn’t feel he’s ready for a relationship yet but she will miss him and vows they’ll always be friends. We don’t get to see a cartwheel but we do get a screen shot of their goodbye kiss (I had to rewind like ten times to get this shot).

It: He thinks that since there’s one chain left and he’s the only dude without one that he’s going to get it. But she feels he’s either an idiot or an actor. Either way she doesn’t want his crazy butt in the house.

Shocker!!!
Since there’s one chain left and New York must give it to someone she decides to bring back none other than… (drum roll please)…BUDDHA!!!!
Oh yes, it’s getting more and more interesting.

In other news last week’s ousted contestant 20-pack found an awesome costume for Halloween… …Midget Mac! Lo says: Racist, maybe. Friggin horrific, DEFINITELY!
Even though I’m still scared of him let’s have a moment of silence for Midget Mac: Until next time…stay tuned.