I Love New York Episode 6 Recap

So the show begins where the last episode left off…Buddha’s triumphant return! Buddha says that when he walked in he was sure that Tailor Made pissed his pants. Me thinks so too. New York makes the guys sign a piece of paper saying that they willfully welcome Buddha back. Pretty’s, with his sweet self, vigorously shakes his head in approval. All the guys sign…even Tailor Made, thought it takes him a while to do it. New York knows he’s afraid to do it for fear “he’ll get yoked up again.” But its not her concern. The next day Big Ant comes in to give the guys their note from New York. Let me take a moment to say that Big Ant is b-o-r-i-n-g! Where is Chamo when you need him? I’m sure that Ant is related one of the producers and after striking out in the world of competitive eating he decided to take a turn at acting. Sighs, excuse me while I go work on my “Bring Chamo Back" picket signs.

The Competition
The guys must try to win over New York’s heart by cooking a meal for her. She brings in master chef Mr. Boston from last season to help the guys out. He informs the guys that they must use at least one cup of ranch dressing (New York’s favorite condiment) in their meals and reveals a fondue fountain of ranch. Is it possible to be both disgusted and intrigued by that? Anywho, he keeps pushing the ranch…some of the guys buy into it but Buddha says its ridiculous.
When they present their meals they find out that Sister Patterson will be judging as well. The guy who’s meal she likes the most will win a date with New York that night. The guy who’s meal New York likes the most will win a date with New York the next day.
The Entertainer He makes New York Penne ala Vodka…ala Ranch. She loves it!
WolfHe makes her chicken ranch fajitas. It’s devine! (Actually, that does sound kinda good in a weird way.)
Pretty He makes her ranch cheesecake…see this is where he should have ignored Mr. Boston and just made the cake sans ranch dressing. She spits it out.
Wise He makes her hot dogs and French fries (like the frozen ones…from a bag). I guess its ok but in the words of Sister Patterson a lil white trash. I mean I like both hot dogs and French fries but that definitely ain't not gonna win my heart.
Punk He makes a meal he calls ‘Saturday Afternoon’ which includes tater tots and a hamburger with crumpled blue cheese on it. She spits it out. I personally like hamburgers and blue cheese…but the way to do it is to inject the meat with the blue cheese. Its simple but brilliant…anyway.
Tailor Made His meal is a “Smart Sexy Salmon Salad”. It has salmon, caviar, and ranch. I think she threw up. I’m not sure. I know I threw up, so…
Buddha

He makes her marinated chicken with rice and veggies and it’s a huge hit.

The Winners: Sister Patterson picks Buddha. New York pics Wolf.

Date #1 During their dinner New York spends most of the time complimenting Buddha on how sexy and hot he is. I agree, well except for the fact that he appears to be wearing lip gloss. She makes a comment about being concerned that he’s a gorgeous guy but has a small wang. He assures her that he’s “fully equipped” and has references if she wants. As I’m watching I cant seem to keep my eyes off her breasts. I think im distracted by all the Vaseline, glitter, and jiggling.
They talk some about trust then enjoy a long wet kiss. Its actually the first kiss I’ve watched her have that didn’t make me want to puke. I owe that to Buddha. At the end of their date they gaze at themselves in the mirror to see how good they look together.
After the date she goes down to talk to all the guys. She’s obviously drunk and horny cus she’s all over them. Tailor Made stops to talk to her but is interrupted by Punk whom she does her nasty sloppy kissing with. Tailor Made is angry and nervous so he does what he does best…gets on the phone to order her a gift…a gift that’s over $800. I wonder what it could be?

Date #2
She takes Wolf with her to the set of Nip/Tuck where she will be filming her cameo. My girl Rhonda and I, who love both I Love New York and Nip/Tuck feel like merging the two is a mistake, but whatever. When they arrive the show’s executive producer, Ryan Murphy, gives New York a gift, a bottle of Don Perignon (she pronounces it Don Puh-rig-non…she doesn’t know the G is silent…sighs). Ryan says that he loves New York and doesn’t think Wolf is the guy for her. He wishes she’d marry him and quit the business. From where I’m standing Brian is obviously gay so this must be his first girl crush or something.
Wolf helps New York rehearse her lines and the two fall asleep. While they’re sleeping he farts, waking her up. He thinks it’s the fancy tuna they ate on set. She just thinks it's disgusting. I concur.
After taping is wraps and she’s being escorted off set by a PA she asks “Was that a rehearsal or the real thing?” the PA informs her that they actually shot her part in the show. Maybe she didn’t notice all the cameras around. After the date she hangs with the other guys. Punk takes her outside to talk to her. I notice that he has a switch and I have a flashback to this semi-buff guy I dated in high school who had a very similar switch. I won’t name him but those of yall from PHS know EXACTLY who I’m talking about…I should link to his Myspace page but I’m not that much of an a$$hole. Anyway, while they’re outside Punk reveals that he’s falling in love with her. Just as he’s pouring his heart out Buddha appears out of nowhere to steal her away.
When they get inside Pretty picks her up and brings her upstairs for a kiss. While they’re swapping spit Tailor Made is standing about two feet away waiting for them to stop. When they do he presents New York with the $800 gift. She says that if it’s a pack of hair (Indian Remy) she’d be done for. But alas, it’s a nightie. Lo says: You could impress me more by paying off my student loans. Eff a nightie!

Elimination
New York wears the nightie to elimination. Tailor Made KNOWS he’s getting a chain when he sees this. Buddha isn’t worried. He says, “Thanks for buyin my girl some lingerie. I’ll be taking it off of her later." Punk is mad because he feels the only way Tailor Made can make an effort is by swiping his credit card. Wolf says, “If I get eliminated tonight I’ll be appalled. Appalled? Is that a bad word? It don’t mean somethin’ good do it?” (Lo bangs head against coffee table)

Who’s In?

New York gives out chains in order of who she thinks puts forth the most effort.

Tailor Made Buddha

Punk He takes getting the chain third as a wake up call and says, “No more Mr. Nice Guy” (feel free to insert lisp at will).
The Entertainer Pretty

Mr. Wise

Who’s Out?
Wolf New York feels that he’s just too much of a sweet country bumpkin and won’t fit into the Hollywood lifestyle. He thinks she’s missing out on a lot and then eyes his groin as he begins to unbuckle his pants. Man o man! Why couldn’t this show be on Cinemax?!?! I'm just sayin'...

Next time:
New York brings back the guys' exes to interrogate. She also brings back Chance and Real to question the guys. Alls I gotta say is FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT!