2008 MTV Video Music Awards (***Live Blog***)

I'm live blogging tonight and I'll upload pics and vids manana...enjoy!

Opening Act (Red Carpet)

8:00 VJ Tim Kash chats it up with Lauren Conrad...something about her makes me want to take a nap. VJ Kim Stolz talks to Idol reject Taylor Swift who's acting as the fashion correspondent...I don't know why. She has on some gold Vegas number with what I can only assume are her black dusty church shoes.

8:08 Tokio Hotel arrives in a monster truck looking like some wacky contrived farce of a rock band.

8:14 Katy Perry and Miley Cyrus show up together...interesting. T-Pain shows up seconds later dressed in his ringleader garb atop an elephant...wearing a t-pain chain...and accompanied by some ghetto fab circus folk. I guess I can be thankful there are no midgets. Thank you Jesus...thank you very much...OH WAIT! THERE GOES ONE! Sorry Lord...I'mma have to take that back.

8:18 Taylor interviews Pink and sounds like a complete idiot. Can someone let me know when she'll be back on screen? I need to avoid her at all costs.
8:26 Taylor is talking again...this time to Katy and Miley. All three are Nominated for "Best New Artist". I want to like Katy's vintage look...but her 50s inspired hot pants/granny pantie short shorts make me feel uncomfortable...actually they should make her feel uncomfortable.
8:28 VJ John Norris interviews Kid Rock and Michael Phelps who' sporting a sorta 5 o'clock shadow and some shades. I think he's trying to be cool. Let's not tell him he failed...don't wanna steal his thunder.

8:34 Kabba Modern of America's Best Dance Crew fame performs to Ne-Yo's Closer. Then Fannie Pack performs to Damage by Danity Kane. The two are competing in some online vote in contest. I LOVES me some Fanny pack. If you ask me they should have won on the show..but whatevs.

8:43 Tim talked to Xtina who, although she was extra blond at least her makeup was toned down. Well played honey...well played.
8:45 Taylor talked to the Jonas brothers...one of them is wearing a white sateen suit. It's hurting my eyes and my tummy. Jael (my 8-year-old niece) sweetheart, which one of these boys should I be writing an angry yet loving letter too? I can't tell them apart.
8:50 Taylor interviews Ashlee Simpson whom she keeps referring to as "VERY PREGNANT". Um, Taylor, you idiot, it's hard enough being pregnant without your skinny ass calling attention to her bursting belly. Tim chats with Kobe Bryant who came with his always silent...always pursed lipped mouth.


8:58 Tim talks to Paris and that Madden boy. Her purse looks like she bought it at Kohl's. LMAO!


It's SHOWTIME!

9:00 Brit and Jonah Hill (SuperBad) do this weird skit about taking away her nerves where he keeps trying to kiss her. Then when she comes to the stage live she speeds through her lines and gets the hell outta there before she could eff anything up.

Rihanna comes out and performs her hit "Disturbia" looking hot and got and metal and dark and I love it...all of it. Leather, chains, fishnets, feathers, and a stage full of possessed/demented dancers. This girl knows how to do a performance.

9:08 Russell Brand comes out to start his hosting gig...I still have no idea who this guy is. More importantly, how the hell did he get into those pants. In his opening he goes the political route...I gave him 2 full minutes (which is a lot) to make me laugh...but he didn't so I stopped paying attention and just stared at his tight pants in hopes of seeing one of his testicles rupture under the pressure.

9:15 Jamie fox is here to present the first award. Thank God...no more 'Nut Strangler'. Phew!
Best Female Video Britney Spears "Piece of Me", Katy Perry "I Kissed a Girl", Rihanna "Take a Bow", Jordin Sparks "No Air", Mariah Carey "Touch My Body". The winner is? Britney! She graciously accepts her award thanking her fam and she doesn't eff up! Woot!


9:27 Demi Moore presents Best Male Video: Chris Brown "With You", Florida "Low", T.I. "No Matter What", Usher "Love in this Club", Lil Wayne "Lollipop". The winner is? Chris Brown. I don't know who he thanked cus I can't look at him without being irritated by the large lower region of his face. Thank God he kept is short.


9:30 Taylor Swift introduces the Jonas Brothers...They perform "Lovebug" on a stoop that reminds me of the 227 stoop...Brewer asks if they're on Sesaeme Street...either way, it doesn't work for me..I think I'll take this moment to make a drink.

9:35 Katy Pery starts singing Madonna's "Like a Virgin" then it cuts to commercial...then it comes back with her singing her song "I Kissed a Girl"...why don't we get to see both performances the whole way through? Maybe because she started peeling the banana on her outfit...uncomfortable
"Like a Virgin"

"I Kissed a Girl"

9:41 Michael "Heavy Tongue" Phelps comes out to introduce Lil Wayne, featuring Leona Lewis and T-Pain. He walks all the way down the stairs grabbing at his penis...sigh...I'll ignore it cus I like this song. I must say that I don't like this venue at all... it doesn't allow for fans to surround the stage and go crazy...just a bunch of stiff artists sitting in the audience staring confused at the wild back monkeys jumping around on the stage. The performance is pretty dynamic though. I can actually feel the heat eliminating from under T-Pain's leather military jacket...I can smell the funk coming out of there as well.


9:46 Linsay Lohan and Ciara present the winner of the VMA Dance Battle and my faves Fannie Pack win. Woot! They also present for Best Dancing in a Video: Ne-Yo "Closer", Madonna "4 Minutes", Chris Brown "Forever", Danity Kane "Damaged", Pussycat Dolls "When I Grow Up". The winner is?Pussycat Dolls. They're dressed in evening wear. It looks weird. Take off the chiffon. SHOW US YOUR TITS!


9:55 Danity Kane tabulates text votes for Best New Artist Award and then the Stars of the new Twilight Movie announce Rock band Paramore playing over at the Whiskey. ...I've never heard of them...And I'm a little concerned that the young lady fronting the band is going to hurt herself. Medic! Man down!


10:05 Slash and Shia Lebouf present for Best Rock Video: Fall Out Boy "Beat It", Foo Fighters "The Pretender", Linkin Park "Shadow of the Day", Paramore "CrushCrushCrush", and Slipknot "Psychosocial". The winner is? Linkin Park

10:10 Miley Cyrus introduces Pink who performs "So What". I love pink. I told Jordan if I ever met her I'd be scared she'd kick my ass...then eat it. Yet and still, she's one of my faves.


10:20 We come back from the commercial to the Ting Tings per forming...

Then Pete Wentz and Ashlee Simpson-Wentz encourage folks to vote for the Best New Artist...and they did so in a most annoying way.


10:23 Slipknot and McLovin present the Best Hip-Hop Video: Lil Wayne "Lil Wayne", Lupe Fiasco "Superstar", Flo-rida "Low", "Mary J. Blige "Just Fine", Kanye West "Homecoming". The winner is? Lil Wayne...Well at least i cant see his drawls.


10:25 T.I. performs "Whatever You Like"...when he's done the director of the "video shoot" yells cut and they cut to Rihanna who is performing "Live Your Life" while her boo-boo Chris Brown sings along from the crowd. She's wearing some skintight pants and a crop leather jacket...no shirt. But if I looked like Rihanna I'd avoid clothing at all costs. T.I. meets her on stage to join her for his featured rhyme.
"Whatever You Like"

"Live Your Life"

10:36 The cast of High School Musical present Christina Aguilera who's performing "Superbitch". She looks like catwoman...except with a little more whore mixed in. I spy a cameltoe and pelvic thrusting, which, if you ask me, is a recipe for disaster...namely an infection.


10:43 Chase Crawford (Gossip Girls) and Lauren Conrad (The Hills) Present the Best New Artist Award: Miley Cyrus "7 Things", Katy Perry "I Kissed a Girl", Jordin Sparks "No Air", Tokio Hotel "Ready Set Go", Taylor Swift "Teardrops in my Guitar". And the winner is? Tokio Hotel

10:49 We come back from commercial with LL performing "Going back to Cali". Surprisingly...and to my disappointment he actually has his shirt on.



10:51 Paris Hilton joins Russel to present Best Pop Video: Jonis Brothers "Burnin' Up", Britney Spears "Peace of Me", Tokio Hotel "Ready, Set, Go", Danity Kane "Damaged", Panic at the Disco "Nine in the Afternoon". The winner is? Britney Spears! Win #2 of three noms. And we head to commercial with Lupe fiasco performing "Superstar".

10:59 Disney's Drake and Josh introduce Kid Rock to perform "Rock 'N Roll Jesus/All Summer Long" with Lil Wayne. I don't know these songs and I'm indifferent about Kid Rock so yea...moving right along.



11:09 Kobe Bryant presents the Video of the Year: Chris Brown "Forever", Jonas Brothers "Burnin' Up", Pussycat Dolls "When I Grow Up", Britney Spears "Piece of Me", and The Ting Tings "Shut Up and Let Me Go". The winner is? Britney! Lorda mercy (insert carribean accent at will). Russell and Britney ride off into the sunset on a golf cart as Kanye begins performing "Love Lockdown". All I can hope is that at some point in the song he stop s performing to have a full blown tantrum because he lost for Hip-Hop Video. Lord knows he likes to lose his shit everytime he doesn't win. At least if he goes crazy taht'll make the past three hours worth while..but alas, NADA! I need another drink...excuse me.