The Pied Piper Gets Special Treatment

R. Kelly, or Uncle Tinkle as I affectionately call him, neglected to show up to court on Wednesday. So yesterday, a warrant was issued for his arrest but he showed up to court before the warrant could go into effect and the judge reprimanded him. Reprimanded?!! What kinda crap is that?! They’re letting him tour all over this great land of ours during the proceedings and all that they ask of him is to show up in court when he’s supposed to. But nooooooooooooooooooo! He can't even do that. Humph! Throw that nasticle blackle in jail!! Thrash him!! Burn him at the stake!! (Lo releases a guttural scream while holding up a makeshift torch compiled of discarded papers in the copy room that she rubber banded together. Then she exits in efforts to recruit coworkers to join her angry mob of one).