Pimpin' All Over the World

Rachel Ritfeld, the British model who recently split with ‘singer’ Akon (whose real name is Aliaune Damala Bouga Time Puru Nacka Lu Lu Lu Badara Akon Thiam...dumb, just dumb) openind up about the possibility of becoming one of Akon’s wives:
“The reality check really came when Akon told me he had his fifth child with one of his wives. For the first few months I got completely freaked out because even though I knew he had other wives, I never really thought about him being with them because his main attention was always on me - or so I thought. He does not live with his wives but the birth of his latest child made everything become real and made me realize that I would always have to share the man I love while accepting his other relationships. At first I was very supportive but I began to question that if I was taking him into consideration and he was taking his family into consideration, who was taking me into consideration? The answer was ‘nobody’ so I decided I could no longer be apart of Akon’s world.”
“The one thing I wanted from Akon was for him to be monogamous to me but he could not grant me my wish. I thought I could handle the idea of becoming one of his wives in the beginning but who’s to say some other woman he meets won’t capture his heart? I soon realized that he was not the man for me. There were times when I wanted us to share quality time together like ordinary couples do, such as going out to dinner or cuddling up together in front of the TV but it was always impossible. I had to always wait until he had time out of his busy schedule or wait until I had a day-off so I could fly half way around the world to see him. The situation began to become a strain on my heart.”
The one thing she wanted was for him to be monogamous?! That would be like Star Jones saying “the one thing I want from Al is to be straight”. Cus it ain’t happenin! You either accept it or move on. It looks like she’s attempting to move on…well, except for the fact that she still has his song playing on her Myspace page. Aye pobrecita!!!
Sidebar: Whenever I see Akon I can’t help thinking about that scene from Coming to America when the chick pops up out of the water and says “The royal penis is clean” (the only clip I could find wasnt in English...but somehow that makes it funnier) cus I can just picture that’s what it’s like when he goes home to the mother land. I bet he has a wife for every step of his morning hygene ritual. He’s got the wife who scrubs him down, one to oirl him up and give him that lovely blackle shine we love so much, and one to powder his balls. Hmm, I don’t think Rachel would have fit in anyway, I mean what is she gonna do? Trim down the hair in his crease? Wife #4 got that job on lock. Yea they were doomed from the beginning.