Katie Detoxes to Get Pregnant

Katie Holmes is believed to be doing a Scientology detox to help her get pregnant. She’s been looking pretty scary for the past few weeks and even missed the Oscars for being too weak (allegedly).
A source told Britain's Daily Star newspaper: "She is undergoing an extremepurification program so she is toxin free when she and Tom try for theirnext baby."According to the website scientologytoday.org, the Purification Rundown is"a carefully designed combination of exercise, vitamins, nutrition and saunause which dislodges drug residues and other toxins from the fatty tissues".Word is that this involves taking 'vitamin bombs' and stayingin saunas for up to five hours at a time to cleanse the body. Source
Yeaaaaa, cus that’s healthy. THE POWERS OF XENU COMPEL YOU! THE POWERS OF XENU COMPEL YOU!

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Random Pics

Grace, you need to call Will or Jack to hook you up. Cus right about now you look a haggy mess. The only thing that Comes to mind is Lady Grimis. I’m curious as to exactly what she was thinking before she left the house in this get up. New York never ceases to please. Her dress looks like a bedsheet dyed in baby poo. Gadzooks! How does one’s teet end up looking like that?!

I know its called a “sweat” shirt. But I really didn’t know it was possible to soak it all the way through without being involved in a marathon.

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Katie is Makin' it Rain on NYC

According to Page Six Katie Holmes has spent over $14 million since moving to NY six months ago.
In addition to buying three new apartments she’s spent $14,000 on child care, $7,000 on a home gym, $7,300 on dinners and $17,000 on clothing. Source
Well, I mean if you’ve got it, you’ve got it, right?

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Tom and Katie Sing Jada's Praises

Katie Holmes told PEOPLE magazine that she’s inspired by good friend, Jada Pinkett-Smith. She says,
“Jada is so strong. She is a rare woman – a phenomenal friend, mother, wife. She inspires me.”
Adds her husband, Tom Cruise: “Jada tells it like it is. She creates art in her life … She’s effortless. She just has such class.”
“She is an extraordinary woman and an amazing mother,” Tom says. “She’s constantly wanting to improve herself and her family.” Agrees Holmes: “She’s just a powerhouse.” Source
Translation: We’ve got her in our Scientology clutchhold. THE POWER OF XENU COMPELLS YOU! THE POWER OF XENU COMPELLS YOU!

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Random Pics

Mel B, Glenda the Good Witch called. She said, “Tell that heifer to give my swag back!” Heavens to Mergatroid! Someone get this woman a facelift STAT! Not naked enough! The peanut gallery says, “Show us your tits!”
Just when I gave her points for rinsing her hair with a little Prell she shows up somewhere looking like this. This outfit is NOT a way to start off your Broadway career.
Andre J. and his sultan beauties take us on an Arabian excursion. Just then Suri screams, “Officer! Anyone! Help! This martian monster daddy is trying to take me on his spaceship again!”

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Katie Holmes Gets Picketted

As some of you know Katie Holmes is in NYC rehearsing for a new play “All My Sons” and recently an Anti-Scientology group decided to protest her debut.
A group spokesperson told press, “We aren’t looking to shut the play down, we don’t have the power to do that; we just want to prove a point. We want to draw attention to Scientology, and hopefully get Katie out of it before it’s too late.” Source
What point exactly are they trying to prove? The folks putting on the play have nothing to do with Scientology. They better leave her alone before Xenu molly wops their asses.

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Random Pics

Something about this pic is just a little…off

Um yea, does she even own a pair of sneakers?
Let’s ignore the jacket for a moment (it speaks for its fuggly self) and direct our attention to the shoes…are those fringes I spy? I think my dad owned a pair of those…back in ’86. Oh Tyra… I want her to give me one good reason why she thinks those jeans are ever ok to wear. After this pic they’ll never be able to deny their relationship again…popping someone else’s pimples is the act of a dermatologist or someone who REALLY loves you. Sheri forwarded these pics and Pabvon requested their presence in the Manifesto. No need to comment, just soak it all in and let it form a permanent place in your mental rolodex.

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Katie's at the End of her Rope

Rumor has it that Katie Holmes stormed out of a Scientology meeting recently because she just can’t take it anymore. She’s been stressed out over those crazy videos of Tom assuming his role as Captain Scientology, Mayor of Crazytown. In addition to that, she’s mad at Tom for forcing her to do “Mad Money” instead of “Dark Knight” Source
Um Katie, boo-boo, you can’t go and do stuff like that when you’re married to a bonafide nut job like Tommy Boy here. You need to map out a plan that involves packing up Suri and seeking cover in some small, little known village in East Europe. Actually scratch that, he’ll find you no matter where you go. You should probably resolve yourself to the fact that the 6 ft deep hole he’s digging in the backyard…well, it’s not for a hot tub. Sighs…

In other TomKat news...

Tommy is going to get a brand new Ducati Desmosedici RR motorcycle. He’s getting the first of only 1,500 bikes being made. The bike is priced at $72,500 and can go up to 200 mph. Source
200mph? Is that really necessary? Correct answer: No. Sounds like death on wheels. Some asshole is going to ram that $72,500 bike into a highway divider and go splat. I’m instantly reminded of this series of pictures I saw on Rotton.com of an accident between a motorcyclist and a 16 wheeler. Severed body parts...entrails caught in wheels...just not pretty. Don’t fret. Tommy Boy will be ok. He’s got Xenu on his side.