Tom Wants to Win Back the Ladies

Supposedly Tommy Boy is trying to win back his lady fans. His PR people need him to do the following in order to do this:
- No talking about Scientology.- No wearing sunglasses on the red carpet.- No showing up to premieres in fancy cars.- Appear on women-friendly shows like The View. "It's all very calculated."- No man-handling the Katie. At least in public. "Tom needs to quit grabbing her arm and pulling her around. The idea is to make him the kinder, gentler Tom, not a controlling husband with a Stepford wife." Source
Uh, DUH! Shit I coulda told him that. I need to get a job teaching people common sense.

Want more Manifesto? Check me out at TheFlowLive.com and Wordpress.com.

Tommy Boy Gives Real Estate Advice

Tom Cruise has added to his list of talents, property adviser. One of his “Valkyrie” costars, Tom Hollander, wanted to invest in some property but was wavering. So Tom encouraged him to stick with it.
Tom says. "It's very exciting because it's yet another situation where Tom Cruise is brilliant. I am not like him though I share the same name."We had one conversation on the set where I was just chit chatting about I was wondering about buying a house and I had been reading about sub-prime mortgages which I didn't really know what they were. I was a bit nervous about it and I thought maybe I should pull out and I told this to Tom really embarrassingly just as something to say."He went 'What you're gonna pull out, what's that? Buyer's remorse before you've even bought?' And I thought 'Oh yeah, I am such a loser I should be more like him.' So I rang my solicitor and said 'Buy it, buy it, it's fine Tom Cruise said buy it'." Source
And then he installed some thatan probes in his toilets. Gotta love friends.

Want more Manifesto? Check me out at TheFlowLive.com and Wordpress.com.

Tom Cruise Got Kicked Out of Son's Audition

Tommy Boy says that he was kicked out of his son Conor’s audition for the movie “Seven Pounds.
Tom says, "He went and auditioned, and Will and I were standing in the audition room, and the director said, 'Get out.'"We were standing in the waiting room, like nervous parents, waiting to see if he got it or not. And he got it."I want Conor to earn it. And that's how Will is with his kids." Source
So I wanna be just like Will. And he wants to be just like me. It’s a thatan connection! THE POWERS OF XENU COMPELL YOU! THE POWERS OF XENU COMPELL YOU!

Want more Manifesto? Check me out at TheFlowLive.com and Wordpress.com.

Tom Keeps Kids on a Short Leash...from their Mother

Star magazine is reporting that they know about legal documents that dictate the amount and type of contact that Nicole Kidman is allowed to have with her children with Tom, Conner and Isabella.
In a highly confidential agreement Nicole’s time with the children, how much exposure she can have with them and when overnight visits are allowed, is extremely limited. “She doesn’t go anywhere with those kids without Tom’s say-so.”
In addition all phone calls and correspondence is also monitored. Source
Damn shame. They’ve probably already brain washed those poor kids minds against their mother. Nicole needs to stage an intervention/kidnapping and wrestle her children from the firm grips of Xenu before its too late.

Want more Manifesto? Check me out at TheFlowLive.com and Wordpress.com.

Will Credits Tommy Boy With His Movie Success

Actor Will Smith credits his success to good pal/Xenu juice injector Tom Cruise. He says that Tom reviews all of his scripts before he accepts a new role.
Smith tells Newsweek, "I was so used to competition between other artists that I just didn't get him at first. And then Tom just broke it down to me and said, 'Will, we are not competing, so don't think that way.' That blew my mind because that is not how this business works at all..."He looks over my scripts and everything. When I did I Am Legend, I sent him the script, and he sent me back four hours of notes and changes. He did more work on I Am Legend than I did."Now we're looking at some projects to work on together because we have that basic understanding of each other." Source
Hmm…alls I gots to say is how you doin? Oh and, “THE POWER OF XENU COMPELS YOU! THE POWER OF XENU COMPELS YOU!” Excuse me please. I suddenly have a craving for some thetan crackers. I’ll be right back.

Want more Manifesto? Check me out at TheFlowLive.com and Wordpress.com.

Tina Get's Backup From Tom Cruise

Living legend, Tina Turner surprised fans when she got Tom Cruise to join her on stage to sing “Nutbush City Limits”. Tom was at the show with his wife Katie homes when she pulled him from the audience and said, "Sing along!" Source
She might still have her body but I fear Mama Tina is losing her mind.

Want more Manifesto? Check me out at TheFlowLive.com and Wordpress.com.

Tom Regrets Couch Jumping Incident

Tom Cruise admits that he now regrets the couch-jumping incident on Oprah. He also regrets criticizing Brooke Shields for taking medication for postpartum depression. He says, "There are things that I could have done better. I could have handled things better."However, the negative press he’s received about his relationship with Katie since then has only made them stronger. He said, "I was surprised by the criticism but it brought everyone close together. Katie's entire family and my family. Going through that stuff is not pleasant, and I think it hit an extreme, but Kate's a very sure and confident and strong woman. She gets it, you know." Source
He forgot to add that the Xenu tablets he’s been feeding Katie have helped to make her the most perfect wife ever.

Want more Manifesto? Check me out at TheFlowLive.com and Wordpress.com.

Tom and Katie Sing Jada's Praises

Katie Holmes told PEOPLE magazine that she’s inspired by good friend, Jada Pinkett-Smith. She says,
“Jada is so strong. She is a rare woman – a phenomenal friend, mother, wife. She inspires me.”
Adds her husband, Tom Cruise: “Jada tells it like it is. She creates art in her life … She’s effortless. She just has such class.”
“She is an extraordinary woman and an amazing mother,” Tom says. “She’s constantly wanting to improve herself and her family.” Agrees Holmes: “She’s just a powerhouse.” Source
Translation: We’ve got her in our Scientology clutchhold. THE POWER OF XENU COMPELLS YOU! THE POWER OF XENU COMPELLS YOU!

Want more Manifesto? Check me out at TheFlowLive.com and Wordpress.com.

Random Pics

Mel B, Glenda the Good Witch called. She said, “Tell that heifer to give my swag back!” Heavens to Mergatroid! Someone get this woman a facelift STAT! Not naked enough! The peanut gallery says, “Show us your tits!”
Just when I gave her points for rinsing her hair with a little Prell she shows up somewhere looking like this. This outfit is NOT a way to start off your Broadway career.
Andre J. and his sultan beauties take us on an Arabian excursion. Just then Suri screams, “Officer! Anyone! Help! This martian monster daddy is trying to take me on his spaceship again!”

Want more Manifesto? Check me out at Today.com and Wordpress.com.

Tommy Boy Gets Dumped

In addition to being replaced on a movie by Angelina Jolie, not being asked back for Mission Impossible 4, and having another movie pushed back repeatedly, Tommy Boy is also splitting with long time partner Paula Wagner. Paula announced that she will be stepping down as co-owner and CEO of United Artists
"I’ve truly relished working with my longtime partner Tom Cruise to revitalize United Artists, and I am proud of all that we’ve accomplished in the past two years, reinvigorating the brand and developing such a strong slate of films.” Source
Yea what she really meant to say was “Praise Jah! I’m Free! Eat my dust Xenu!” I bet she’s home right now tap dancing on copies of Jerry McGuire. Good Luck Laura! You might wanna change your numbers and move…just a thought.

Want more Manifesto? Check me out at Today.com and Wordpress.com.

Tommy Boy Wants Big Hands

Ben Stiller says that Tom asked for his “Tropic Thunder “character to have big hands.

Ben said, “Tom said… ‘I want to play the studio guy. I want to dance, and I want to have big hands.' I’d never thought about the size of a character’s hands, ever. …Tom was doing this little dance, and I was like, ‘This is insane. If this thing was on YouTube, it would be all over the world. It would be a crazy screensaver.’ ”

Ha! That’s the most hilarious thing I’ve ever heard. Crazy people make me squirt. Want more Manifesto? Check me out at Today.com and Wordpress.com.

Tommy-Boy's 13-Year-Old Flies Planes

Tom Cruise’s son Connor has been taking flight lessons with a Cessna 172 Skyhawk. He was seen practicing taking off, cruising, and landing the plane last Saturday. He was also seen doing stunts on a motorcycle. Source
I hope along with flight lessons he’s getting responsibility lessons. We all saw what happened with Nick “Daredevil” Hogan. Safety first kids!

Tom Cruise's Son Has Caught the Acting Bug

Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman’s son Connor (the lil niglet they adopted) has scored an acting gig. He’ll be playing Will Smith’s son in a new movie entitled The Trial of the Chicago 7 where Will plays Black Panther Bobby Seale. The movie is about the trial of the demonstrators that were arrested during the 1968 Democratic National Convention.
A source told The National Enquirer, "Tom is thrilled because Connor went through the auditions like all the other children, and seems to have been given the job based on his talent. Nicole's excited too, because Connor has wanted to act for a long time. Now he's getting his big break." Source

Based on his talent huh? I'll refrain from mentioning that his dad and Will Smith are total BFFs...

Hide the Children!

Showbizspy is reporting that Jennifer Lopez and Marc Anthony have picked Tom Cruise to be godfather to their twins.
A source said: “Tom is delighted. Marc wasn’t sure if it was a good idea to have a Scientologist as the kids’ godfather, especially as he and Jennifer are both Catholic. But in the end Jennifer managed to convince him to agree.”
Tom’s throwing the twins a “Welcome to the World” party and he even spent $200,000 on designer christening outfits. Source

Hmm, by “welcome to the world” could he mean the dark spectacle that is Scientology? I bet instead of holy water he’ll have them baptized in the warm seas of Xenu. I’d warn Jenny away from this colossal mistake but I’m sure if he gets out of hand that Chula can ward him off with her switchblade and a nice dose of Santeria. Little Max and Emme should be just fine.

Run Nigra! Run!

The Church of Scientology is lookin' to recruit some nigras. Word on the street is that they want more black members and are hoping that Will Smith can help them in that endeavor. They even opened a church in Harlem in ’03 and have been actively pursuing both will Smith and Kimora Lee Simmonds.
A source told that Will is definitely in the process of becoming a member, “He’s been getting more and more involved. And it isn’t just him, it’s definitely Jada, too. It’s that as he becomes more involved, you’d think he’d sort of help fly the flag with Tom (Cruise), who seems to only get a bad rap for it, while Will does this and comes through just fine.” Source
Drugs, HIV, Black on black crime, now Scientology! As if black folks need something else to destroy their community. Will, Darlin', whatever you do. DON’T DRINK THE KOOL-AID! ITS LACED WITH POISON!

Cruisin' With Cruise

Gawker has a video of Tom Cruise celebrating his birthday at a cruise ship party thrown by the Scientologists. The band plays theme songs from Top Gun and Mission Impossible and eventually Tom gets on stage and does a duet of “That Old Time Rock and Roll” with a cruise ship singer. Source
It looks like a pretty kick ass party. Man, maybe if I become a Scientologist they’ll throw me a party like that. I think I’ll go get a copy of Dianetics. Wait! There must be subliminal messages in that video. Don’t watch it! DON’T WATCH IT! Xenu almost got me!!!!!

Katie's at the End of her Rope

Rumor has it that Katie Holmes stormed out of a Scientology meeting recently because she just can’t take it anymore. She’s been stressed out over those crazy videos of Tom assuming his role as Captain Scientology, Mayor of Crazytown. In addition to that, she’s mad at Tom for forcing her to do “Mad Money” instead of “Dark Knight” Source
Um Katie, boo-boo, you can’t go and do stuff like that when you’re married to a bonafide nut job like Tommy Boy here. You need to map out a plan that involves packing up Suri and seeking cover in some small, little known village in East Europe. Actually scratch that, he’ll find you no matter where you go. You should probably resolve yourself to the fact that the 6 ft deep hole he’s digging in the backyard…well, it’s not for a hot tub. Sighs…

In other TomKat news...

Tommy is going to get a brand new Ducati Desmosedici RR motorcycle. He’s getting the first of only 1,500 bikes being made. The bike is priced at $72,500 and can go up to 200 mph. Source
200mph? Is that really necessary? Correct answer: No. Sounds like death on wheels. Some asshole is going to ram that $72,500 bike into a highway divider and go splat. I’m instantly reminded of this series of pictures I saw on Rotton.com of an accident between a motorcyclist and a 16 wheeler. Severed body parts...entrails caught in wheels...just not pretty. Don’t fret. Tommy Boy will be ok. He’s got Xenu on his side.

He's Cruisin' straight to Crazyland

Don’t look directly into his gaze!!!

Anyway, videos came out this week of Tom Cruise at his craziest. Someone stole tapes of Tommy boy accepting an award from the Scientologists and also babbling on for ten minutes about Scientology. I know most of you have heard this craziness already but for those of you who haven’t heard it I decided to hit you with the transcripts. Why the transcripts and not the actual video? Because I care about the fate of your souls! I started watching it and suddenly thought, “Oh my God! What if there are subliminal messages in here and I’ve already sold my soul to Xeno?! Great honorable Xenu! L. Ron Hubbard come justify my love!” And that’s when I pulled myself back. It took four hours of Chinese water torture and scripture reading to get that crap outta my head. So yea, here goes…

"I think it’s a privilege to call yourself a Scientologist, and it’s something that you have to earn because a Scientologist does... has the ability to create new and better realities and improve conditions. Being a Scientologist, you look at someone and know absolutely that you can help them.

"Being a Scientologist, when you drive past an accident... you know you have to do something about it because you know you’re the only one that can really help.

"But that’s what drives me... I know that we have an opportunity to really help... effectively change people’s lives and I am dedicated to that. I am absolutely, uncompromisingly dedicated to that."We are the authorities on getting people off drugs, we are the authorities on the mind, we are the authorities on improving conditions... we can rehabilitate criminals.

"Traveling the world and meeting the people that I’ve met, talking with these leaders in various fields, they want help and they are depending on people who know and who can be effective and do it and that’s us. That is our responsibility to do that.

"It is the time now. Now is the time... Being a Scientologist, people are turning to you, so you better know it, you better know it and if you don’t, go and learn it, but don’t pretend you know it. It’s like we’re here to help.

"So it’s our responsibility to educate, create the new reality. We have that responsibility to say, 'Hey, this is the way it should be done because we do it this way and people are actually getting better.'

"And let’s get it done. Let’s really get it done and have enough love and compassion and toughness that you’re really going to do it and do it right.

"I have to tell you something – it is rough and tumble, and it’s wild and wooly, and it’s a blast, it’s a blast, it really is fun because, dammit, there is nothing better than the going out there and fighting the fight and suddenly you see things are better.

"I want to know that I’ve done everything I could everyday, and I think about those people out there who are depending on us. I think about that and it does make me feel that we’ve got more work. I need more help, get those spectators either in the playing field or out of the arena. Really, that’s how I feel about it.

"I do what I can, and I do it the way I do everything. [laughs] There’s nothing part-of-the way for me." Source

Now that you’ve read that make sure you go skinny dipping in some holy water then bow to the east, pray five times, do the hokey pokey and turn yourself around cus you needs some serious mojo to free yourself from his mystical hold.

(Thanks for the info Brewer and Sheri!)