Random Pics

My sister Dee, refused to believe this is a real picture. I had to assure her it was. She’s currently mourning for Auntie ReRe’s cholesterol level.

Unless his name is Eddie Murphy, and this is an old promo shot for Raw, a leather coat and no shirt is not acceptable.

This is Monica’s makeup artist…I’ll let this sink in and when, your sould has been resurrected we can discuss.

I let the boots go. Actually, I didn’t but his gold rush prospector/Paddington Bear hat is killing me softly.

She looks just like this crack head named Diane that mom used to pay to cornrow me and Dee’s hair.

Yes his dreads spell out the word 'Tipsy.'

And yes, he has a bejeweled fly swatter.

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Uglyman-“Whip Game Proper”

Please don’t watch this while eating…or actually within 4 hours of eating because you will surely wretch bile and intestines. I can’t even breathe after seeing this. The asthma trait lying dormant in my body has just been awoke. Can someone get me an inhaler? PLEASE?!

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BET Awards: Allz I Have to Say Is...

BET Awards 2009 complete list of winners:

Video of the Year: Beyonce, 'Single Ladies'

Best Male R'n'B Artis: Ne-Yo

Best Female R'n'B Artist: Beyonce

Best Male Hip-Hop Artist: Lil Wayne

Best Female Hip-Hop Artist: M.I.A.

Best Gospel Artist: Mary Mary

Best New Artist: Keri Hilson

Best Group: Day 26

Best Collaboration: Jamie Foxx/T-Pain, 'Blame It'

Best Video Director: Benny Boom

Viewers' Choice Award: T.I. (featuring Rihanna) 'Live Your Life'

Best Actor: Will Smith

Best Actress: Taraji Henson

Female Athlete of the Year: Serena Williams

Male Athlete of the Year: LeBron James
Source
Here’s the thing kids. For BET, the show actually wasn’t bad…I stress again ‘for BET.’ For any other self respecting channel that claims to be the voice and representation of a people this show was an inadequate and inappropriate (in most cases), display of sheer fuckery. I’ll explain. Coming from someone ‘in the business’ on the back end, I can appreciate the difficulty and great undertaking it must have been to put together a show of that magnitude in such a short period of time. I give props to the production people who put in numerous hours of hard work to try to pay tribute to Uncle Mike. BUT AND HOWEVER, there were a few things that I must say were absolutely unacceptable in everyway.
1. Joe Jackson, I understand you are grieving your son and sometimes people grieve in strange ways, but now is not the time to rep you new record label.
2. Jamie, I need you to not promote your music, movie, and comedy show ventures every time there’s a second of silence in the room.
3. Speaking of silence, was I the only one who heard crickets after every joke he told?
4. What was with the long pauses before and after every break. I don’t need to see a full sixty seconds of the camera on a dark stage with a janitor sweeping up and everyone shifting in their seats and coming back from the potty. YOU ARE ON THE AIR PEOPLE! GET IT TOGETHER!
5. Sound guy, what’s your address so I can send you a pamphlet on career counseling. At one point on Sunday afternoon did you decide to check out and allow EVERY expletive to escape you? I’m just curious.
6. Who’s idea was the ‘Baby Boy’ skit? Namely…Ving Raimes’ part. When he walked out drinking what I could only assume to be Kool-Aid from a plastic pitcher, my soul went postal before turning the gun on itself. WHHHHHHHHHHHYYYYYYY?!
7. Wheelchair Jimmy performs ‘Best I Ever Had’, with little girls dancing around him and Wayne. One of the girls I believe is Wayne’s daughter. Here’s my question: How is ok to utter the words “I wanna fuck every girl in the world!” whilst your tween daughter and her friends dance provocatively around you?!?!!? Blast you!

I’m spent. I said I wasn’t going to comment on this but after talking to Lillie aka “Blaze”, I was naturally fired up.
I pray the next tribute(s) will be a little better put together.

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MJ's Losing His Tot Statues

Included in the things being auctioned off from Neverland are wigs, boy’s mannequins, and a truck load of little boy sculptures. UMMMMMM!!!!!!!!
The list of sculptures include:
“boy with accordion”
“boy sitting on bricks”
“boy w/ baton and hat w/ feathers”
“two boys on swing bar”
“two boys with ladder”
“boys sleeping on bench”
“boys milking goat”
“boy on a toy car with girl”
“boy pulling, 2 boys on a bike”
“boy lifting girl”
“2 boys sitting on a sunflower”
“little boy with turquoise overalls on a stand”
“bronze boy and girl hugging”
“bronze boy carrying a fruit basket”
“boys catching fish”
And the list goes on…
Don’t think I’m just going to breeze over the aforementioned mannequins. He has two mannequin’s described as “child’s upper body mannequin.” Source
There are so many questions running through my head right now but I can’t focus on that right now. I have to make funeral arrangements for my soul. It dropped dead as soon as it read “boy w/ baton and hat w/ feathers.”

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And to You I Bequeath NOTHING!

So I put in a call to my boy Angel (you know, the standing corpse guy) to let him know that he’s been one up’d. I saw the below pics on Crunk ‘N Disorderly and just had to share them. Peruse, then we’ll discuss. Source
This is where Angel got it wrong. Even after he was dead he was still working hard on his feet. Mistake! This dearly departed one said that they’re going out in style, they're gonna lay back and relax and they're and bringing ALL their ish with them. Oh you thought you were getting the flat screen when I die? Think again! Take you’re hands off that Chivas Regal! That’s comin’ too! No Angel, don’t get up. I need you to sit down and think about this.

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Dead Man Standing?

I must preface this post entry by saying that for those of you who have not already heard about this story or seen these pics what you are about to see will shatter your world in the following ways:
1. You’ll be so amazed/confused that you brain will explode.
2. You’ll be so disgusted/horrified that you’ll get sick and subsequently have nightmares.
3. You’ll laugh until you shart on yourself causing you to have to go home from work early with a big poo stain on your dockers.
Ok, here goes…I’ll show the pics first…then explain the sit-chee-a-shun.

Notice something off? Well you should! Cus homeboy chillin in the corner…yea, that dude is dead. Dead. Dead. Dead. I know, you’re wondering how a dead dude is standing in the corner. Well apparently this young man’s wishes were that when he died, he wanted to “stand up” because he didn’t lay down for ANYBODY. Angel Pantoja Madina’s body was found under an underpass in Puerto Rico and the wake was held over three days at his mothers home. So for three days Carlos was propped up in the corner G’d up from the street up like he was posted on someone’s corner. Source
I haven’t been able to breathe since I heard this damn story. I’m scared out of my mind by the prospect of an upright corpse chilling in the living room. At the same time I’m so fascinated I look at the pics AT LEAST four times a day.

After I saw pics of Yolanda King’s (Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.’s daughter) wake where she was propped up on a chaise lounge I thought that was ridiculous. But now, in comparison to holmes standin up there, I’d say that Yolanda’s wake was pretty damn classy.

Anyway, I need yall to weigh in. Oh, and be forewarned, from this day forward, anytime I mention or allude to anyone or anything standing up, you very well may see Angel’s pic. Im’ just sayin’.

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Jay-Z Loves Beyonce's Melons

Jay-Z had a watermelon carved in the shape of his wife Beyonce’s breasts. He was staying in a hotel in Nigeria for his THISDAY performance and he asked that the melon boob sculpture be displayed in his suite. A source told the Mirror:
"One giant watermelon was split in two and ornately carved into a mould of Beyonce's breasts. Two cherries were used as nipples." Source
He then had a portrait done of her by gluing tobacco from Newports and fried chicken crumbs to a canvas. OK, so I made that last part up but he may as well have done that. Dear lord Jesus please rain down some common sense onto my blackle brethren. Aaaaaaaameeeeeeen.

The World Is Comin' to an End

A teenage girl from Argentina is mother of 7 children all before her 17th birthday. Impossible you say? Nope. Apparently Pamela gave birth to a son at the age of 14. At 15 she had triplets. Then a year later…another set of triplets. Argentineans are in an uproar debating whether it’s a case of promiscuity or lack of contraception education. Pamela lives with her mother who’s a waitress and depends on her small salary and government assistance to support her daughter and grand children. Source
7 KIDS!!!?????????? Glory me! I can’t imagine having 7 kids at any age, never mind 17.
(Lo gets on the phone and tells the Monday Night Prayer Group to cash in their frequent flier miles. Some prayin’ gots to be done in person. Argentina or bust!)


(Thanks for the article Lillie!)

Video of the Day

I need to know why this little girl knows how to twirk it. This isn't belly dancing it's borderline Candy-Down-At-The-Local-Dip-And-Twirl dancing. What gets me most is how the 'responsible adults' watching are making it rain on her.

Excuse me whilst I crawl under my desk to rock back and forth and hum the melody to "I Believe The Children Are Are Future".

Why God? Why?

The tomfoolery above are baby stilettos. That’s right, they’re foamy heels for infants, yes infants, 0-6 months old.
The $35 (£17.80) shoes, which come in six different styles named after the inventors' children, are on sale at over 50 stores in America, Canada and Switzerland. British parents can purchase them from Internet retailers.
Britta Bacon and Hayden Porter, the American inventors of the footwear, said the heels are only for show and will collapse if any pressure is put on them. Source
This is inappropriate and ridiculous. It’s not even funny. What’s next? Baby garter belts? Baby gag balls? Baby strap-ons? This foolishness has my pressure is through the roof. I need to take my pill and lie down.

Oh Word?

As part of the Caribbean “Dead Man’s Chest” collection, Disney Couture/Kidada is selling a gold noose necklace. Source
I’m not sure if Disney Couture/Kidada is affiliated with The Walt Disney Company or not. But quite frankly I don’t give a good god damn. Somebody in Disney Couture’s Marketing and Creative department effed up. I don’t care if they’re referencing pirates…I know what I think of when I see a noose. Plus, are nooses even associated with pirates? Like couldn’t they sell eye patches or stuffed parrots or something? Shiiiiiit. I bet $2 that they’re already working on shackle ankle bracelets.

And Baby Makes 18

(Pic taken when there were only 14 Duggar children)
Michelle Duggar, wife of former House of Representatives Arkensas State Legislater Jim, and mother of 17, has just announced that she’s pregnant with her 18th child. Their children range in age from 9 months old to 20 years old and include two sets of twins. Source
18 Kids!? 18 Kids!? I loves the chilluns but anything over four is obsessive in my book. The thought of having that many beings pass through my birth canal makes me want to remove my uterus with a cracked spork.

PTA Moms Show Off Their Patooties!

In Madrid seven moms decided it would be a good idea to pose semi-nude to raise money for the small rural school their children attend.
But and however, the calendars didn’t sell and they’re stuck with a bunch of debt and 5,000 calendars.
The women possibly got the idea from a group of British women who posed nude in a calendar to raise money for leukemia research(pictured below). .
Their calendar, however, was a big hit and was even turned into a 2003 movie entitled “Calendar Girls” Source
Aye Dios! Soy muerto!

WHY!?!?

I was over at Ahotmess when I spotted this here little lady. She’s a bobble butt doll. (I’ll give it a moment to sink in). Apparently this doll has been created to help promote Mike Jones’ new record.
Christ, give me strength!

WHYYYYYY?!?!?!?!?!

I don’t know what the below pics mean but since I was forced to look at them so do you! STEVE HARVEY… I… QUIT…
YOU!!!! MAY MY SOUL… RESTS IN PEACE.

Sheeeeeee's Baaaaack!

La Pequena Amy Winehouse is the scariest midget tranny celeb impersonator EVER. The second that creature starts dry humping the bed the will to live was officially gone from my soul. Watch at your own risk.

Reporter Attack Caught on Film

In the above video a South Carolina reporter is attached by three women and a man, all of which, according to the reporter, were yelling racial slurs while beating on her. The newswoman and her crew were reporting on a murder and the victim’s family asked them to leave. As they were packing up their equipment the reporter was attacked. Source

(The Accused)

God bless America and Jesus take the wheel! I’m spent. Excuse me whilst I go lie down in a dark room.

Oh Amy...

According to The Sun, Cousin Amy wants to release a line of makeup with the signature item being liquid eyeliner. According to a source, “She wants to bring out a range of cosmetics and fashion products. There could be hairspray, head scarves, liquid eyeliner, perfume. All the things that are distinctive of her look.”

Hmm, I have just one question:
If this line is going to be distinctive of Amz then what on God’s green earth will that perfume smell like? A combo of cigarette smoke, vomit and dirty panties?
I hope this isn't’ true…I mean, it's coming from The Sun and we know how reliable they are.

In Other Amy news…

Her publicist revealed that she’s got quite a nasty skin condition. "Amy has been diagnosed with impetigo which she's been told can be highly contagious. Because of that she’s been put on antibiotics and may have to stay home alone for the next few days."
Impetigo is a bacterial skin infection. It causes red sores that can break open, ooze fluid, and develop a yellow-brown crust. These sores can occur anywhere on the body but most often appear around the mouth and nose. Source
Jeez! That sucks major ass. And Ilk!! That’s hella nasty. Yes, Amy, please stay in side..alone..and most importantly inside…where no one can see you.

Pass me a Wang and Yo Digits

So the NY Daily News is putting Nelly on blast for some recent behavior in a NYC club. The paper says:

Hip hoppers Nelly and Jermaine Dupri got the royal treatment at The Plumm Wednesday night. After clearing out the VIP area for their posse, owner Noel Ashman plied them with chicken wings and 35 bottles of beer, which they quickly downed. And when a tinkle-shy Nelly had to visit the loo, his security guards cleared the rest room so he could use it in private.
On his way back to his table, the blinged star “sprinted after Heidi, the coat-check girl,” said a spy. When he returned, he was all smiles. “Did you get it?” Dupri asked the grinning rapper. “Yeeeeah. She gave me her digits,” Nelly responded. (Source )

Hmm, just a few points on this:
1. I find the usage of the terms posse and blinged (though they went out of style years ago) strangely appropriate…as Nelly went out of style years ago.
2. Though I have strong urge to get angry at the wooing techniques of the club owner by using chicken wings to keep the Blackles happy, I cannot allow that anger to creep into my heart. Why? Cus we like fried chicken. ALL OF US! In fact if you threw a bucket of KFC into the Grand Canyon we’d go right over the edge with it like a hoard of lemmings.
3. It’s ok to be tinkle-shy in a club…I’m tinkle shy pretty much anywhere that’s not my own personal terlet bowl. NYC is nasty! Blech!
4. I sincerely hope that no one is surprised at Nelly chasin’ tail. I mean after I saw “Tipdrill” I pretty much knew he was a nasticle. Actually, at least he just got her just digits and didn’t pay his tab by running his credit card between her cheeks.
5. I wonder where Ashanti was during all of this? Probably cackling like a magpie and saying “That’s bananas!” over and over again.

This is Why I Cry...

Hmm, Smooth Magazine’s Black History Month Issue has THIS cover. Take it in…think about it…then we’ll discuss. M’kay?